Caregivers are people who take care of other people, such as an aging parent, a disabled family member or a chronically ill spouse. No one chooses to become a caregiver. It’s not something any of us would have listed as a child when we talked about what we wanted to be when we grew up.
In my case, the person I care for is my husband. I am faced with both physical and emotional challenges as his health continues to decline. But I am learning that I am not alone with my struggle.
How I Became a Caregiver
Typical wedding vows include the phrase “in sickness and in health.” When I uttered those vows, I expected that I would be getting health, not sickness. I don’t think I’m any different than anyone else in having those expectations. I thought my new husband would remain fairly healthy for the better part of our lives together. At least that’s what I thought.
When I married my husband in 1997, he was athletic, energetic and muscular. He worked as a carpenter. But in 2002, he started to become ill with night sweats and flu-like symptoms. To make a long story short, he developed a series of illnesses including sarcoidosis (a lung disease) and diabetes. In 2004, he was involved in a head-on collision and suffered a traumatic brain injury. The brain injury has resulted in forgetfulness and confusion. At the same time, the diabetes has caused peripheral neuropathy, which is nerve damage in his feet, hands and legs. It is getting more and more difficult for him to walk and he has limited fine motor control. With each passing day, I have to assume more and more of his care.
Caregiver Facts
According to the National Family Caregivers Association, more than 65 million people in the United States provide care for an aging, disabled or chronically ill family member. Many hold full-time jobs and care for aging parents, often at the same time that they are raising children. The average number of hours that caregivers spend caring for their loved ones is 20, but some provide 40 hours or more of caregiving every week.
Caregiving has physical, emotional and financial effects. NFCA reports that almost half of working caregivers have used up most or all of their savings on caregiving expenses. Caregivers may neglect their own health as a result of caregiver responsibilities.
Caregiving Resources
Caregiving can be stressful and overwhelming. According to the NFCA, up to 70% of caregivers have symptoms of depression. I can’t emphasize enough the importance of connecting with others who are caregivers. I’m not able to get out much, so online support has been a great help to me. (See resources listed below).
I have learned that when I dwell on things I can no longer do in my life because my husband is ill, I end up consumed with sadness and unable to function. I cope by living in one day at a time and I look for what there is to be grateful for each and every day.
Resources:
The Family Caregiver. “Caregiving Statistics” (accessed September 30, 2010).
Caring Today. "Practical Advice for the Family Caregiver" (accessed September 30, 2010).
Well Spouse Association. “The WSA Story” (accessed September 30, 2010).
Valerie Dansereau - I am the mother of two and grandmother of four. Although I have been a banker for more than 20 years, my true love is writing. My writing ...
